Laughing.

Hey...I'M a horrible person!

This New Years' I'm lucky enough to have reservations at an incredibly upscale hotel with a good friend...we will play this game very loudly in the lobby whilst we smoke cigars and drink whiskey...the first person to tell us to quiet down will get punched in the face.

Click to purchase

No exceptions.

I have literally said this.

Seems a little like real science to me...

I'm going to have to ask my dad how long it took him to make this. 

 

more Fake Science.

That's love, baby.

Good point there.

These people...

I like them.

Your Mom.

ha.

Halloween Safety

Halloween Safety tips from the Onion. 

Take notes, people.

click the Trick or Treaters

Fear the Reaper

The man I marry must do things of this caliber. 

Click the reaper.

Ready.

image via mlkshk.com

Gary Busey, you're not allowed to die either...

I swear to Christ everything he says makes perfect sense. 

click Gary for some sound advice.

endocrine system...

Oh, Mr. Burns...don't you ever die.

via Simpsons quotes that nobody gets anymore a.k.a. my favorite Facebook page.

By Day I’m an Omelet Chef, But By Night, I’m an Omelet Chef at Another Place.

Once I stayed the night with a friend and during an obscure conversation she explained to me how she insists on cooking eggs until they are slightly brown (which I believe to be a sin against all things edible)

That morning I awoke to great hunger...and of course, to my friend stating she would be making omelets for breakfast.  In my panic, I made up a ridiculous excuse as to why I couldn't consume eggs (for fear of being served a slightly browned omelet)  and I sat at the kitchen table and ate a tomato for breakfast.

Click the photo for a hilarious, omelet related tale.

and to wrap up todays lesson...

When I get a desk...

Zombie Feeder

That Chickadee has no idea how ruthless it looks.

I also think it would be funny to tape a picture of a friend/family member/loved ones face over the zombies face, invite the friend/family member/loved one over...then casually take them outside...

I'd probably add some meat too...you know, so the vultures come.

Don't do it.

This really is sound advice.

Seems Legit.

Click the toast.